SHAZAM! Haikuku is born...

Rewind about 3 years. Suzanne and Sam are incredibly bored at work. The lives of a paper-pushing attorney and keyboard-diddling graphic artist, however, were about to change... forever. 

In a desperate act to bring some entertainment to her boring work day, Suzanne sends this haiku, via email, to Samantha:

is it five o'clock?
how bout now? now? how bout now?
now? how bout now? now?

The rest of the day was spent exchanging emails, back and forth, each more goofy and absurd than the last.

Here is a smattering of the haikus on that very first momentous day:

are you laughing yet?
my goal is to make you pee
go buy some depends

I suggested Suzanne respond to her next job assignment as follows:

Sure I can dumb ass
Just leave it there on my desk
it will be done by noon

ok. you slay me.
now it is you who must stop.
my sides are hurting.

tommy lee and pam
fuck. you are so beautiful.
romance isn't dead.

You have a great knack
For funny, cuckoo haikus
I'm jealous of you

i beg to differ
you have the gift of haiku
you're a natural

Hmmm. Raunchy haikus.
Now that one is doable. 
Dell, Publish these now.
 
oh what have i done
i've created a monster
you've gone off the edge


We have since found that the traditional uses for haiku, such as to express the beauty of nature are fucking stupid. Haiku is much more appropriate when discussing menstrual cramps:

I have cramps. Wah. Wah.
I have to change my pants. Wah.
Need more Motrin. Wah.

Stupid Ex-Husbands:
 
Ex-husband, you suck.
Fuck, could anyone suck more?
Enjoy your life, douche!
 
Annoying roommates:

my roommate sucks balls
she is a selfish be-yotch
die bitch roommate. Die.

Mucus:

mucus in my throat
dripping globby gooey mess
Penicillin please

Suzanne's Scrabble Modesty (Not):

the game of scrabble
no matter the opponent
i will always win

Suzanne's long absence from her computer after a marathon of haiku emails:

What a long pee-er
You are Suzanne, my friend. What,
No toilet paper?